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8.29.2010

KISS AND TELL

I have always thought about kissing.  To be quite frank, I have always loved kissing.   I though, think about it more lately - from a different perspective, a different place in life....single again.  Trying to make a concerted effort to be more deliberate in what I think...strolling through topics and pausing or picnicking as it were on them:)   I was not one of those people who only kissed the person I married.  Possibly a source of a small regret in my life, but it is what it is.  So, I enter this subject from a wide variety of experiences.  My first kiss was in 2nd grade, chased down on the playground by a toe headed boy named Troy.  He only got me on the cheek and later gave me a necklace that my mom required I give back.  I realized at 7 there was something magical in a kiss - wild almost, freeing, and mysterious.  My second kiss was from a boy I grew up  & went to church with.  He was a great guy, but there was no magic for me with him.  He kissed me awkwardly and quickly in my garage (I was not participating in this one) while extolling his love to me.  I felt bad as I tried to explain that I valued his friendship and growing up with him, but that I didn't share those feelings for him.  Thankfully he didn't hold it against me and we remained friends all through school.  He married a great girl.  It seems that all through my high school years I dated people who I just didn't feel a soul or heart connection to, with the exception of one.  And, they nearly all kissed me:)  Maybe more accurately I should take part of the blame and say, I also let them.  Some were especially bad at the art of kissing.  I mean very bad.  Three in particular come to mind (initials only!); R-much like a frog, M-too contrived, S-well, let's just say the word YUCK took on a whole new meaning.  There were others that were mediocre and I just have no real outstanding memory either way - good or bad, just non-descript.   There were a couple who somehow had captured the art of kissing either by great practice or they were just given a great gift - much like music in which you either have it or you don't.  To have the gift you kind of also have to be vaguely unaware of how it works, but that it just flows.  You can have a magical kiss with someone you don't necessarily have a soul connection to.  But, that soul connection ingredient intensifies the kiss.  B (again initials only) was that kind of a person - no real connection to him, but technically great.  One could get lost in that technicality easily.  And I did - many times.  But, your soul always craves something greater.  B though came after D and still wasn't even in the ball park of D.  A girl (or at least this one) can tell in a kiss what a guy thinks and wants, whether he is taking, or giving, speaking something or any combination of the above.   How can one know all that in a kiss?  I don't know but I did.  D was that person for me.  No one before him and no one after could kiss like that - or speak so many things in a kiss.  There wasn't trying or contriving or manufacturing.  It was simply purely giving, taking, silently speaking, connecting, listening, playing, imploring, wanting more all rolled into his magic art of kissing.  Trust me I have tried my whole life to stop that feeling in my head about him - what his magic kisses did to me.  I dated others, got married, lived a life, had a child, had some great experiences, some horrific ones, some successes in my life and got unmarried but have not been able to erase that connection to him, his spirit, his mind or his art of kissing.  So all these 25+ years later I still in my soul, mind and spirit have an Ode To D that is surrounded by magical orchestra music highlighted by strings:)  I continue to play it.  Hoping someday to meet back up with the magical conductor of this symphony.  His music really is unlike any other.

1 comment:

  1. Clearly I wasn't the mother of the young lads from your past. I taught my kids that don't ever ever let boys kiss you ever....that's how baby's are made. As far as I know they still totally believe me...unless someone told them different in college.
    Bad breath is what I feared when kissing ~ myself or him...I wish you could bottle and preserve what you had with "D" I mean wow, such a plethora of sensations! May you have that again one day!

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