NEW HOLIDAY - FILTER FREE DAY! (not yet sanctioned by Hallmark)

The furnace guy showed up at my office today because the air conditioning wasn't cooling right.  He emerged from the basement with two filters that were so clogged with dirt it's a wonder air moved at all!  I laughed with him about how all that construction dirt has to go somewhere.  "Yes, we will be more vigilant about changing those filters every 30 days:)", I said to him as he left.  That got me thinking about filters and what they do - catch impurities.  Stuff that's bad - dust, dirt, mucky particles or microscopic organisms that might harm us.   Then that led me to that group of sometimes refreshing people who just say whatever is in their head - no filter folks as I like to say.  I think they disturb some people, but really I find them oh so entertaining and real.  The thing is you always know where you stand with the "no filter folks".  Oh yeah, you might get walloped once in awhile by their wide open spray of verbage but there is no guessing on what they bring to the table or where they are headed.  One of my friend's grandmother is a character.  She's one of the NFF (no filter folks) who has earned her title not only by personality, but age.  She has been known to spew forth such things as, "God damn it Betty, I'll smoke if I God damn please.  I'm 84 years old and you aren't telling me what to do.  Now get the hell out unless you want to breath some smoke!"  I also once had a man walk up to me after a seminar I was part of, never having met me before and say, "You have nixxie in your eyes!" (I most definitely do too).  I love that - no filter stuff.  The occasional out there statement that is clearly defined and leaves no wiggle room for the listener to misinterpret should be celebrated.  Taught even.  It would be great to have a new holiday sanctioned first of all Hallmark and then, the federal government (I want another paid holiday off at work anyway).  I propose the date for this new holiday be right after St. Patricks Day and most definitely during the Lenten Season.  It would be called "FILTER FREE DAY".  This day would be a nationally recognized and clearly designated day for all mankind to speak unfiltered thoughts out loud with no consequences - NONE!  The range of things that we all think in a day but don't say would be acceptable, even embraced on that day...."Why is your butt so big - seriously why don't you do something about it?  Why the hell are you driving 40 in a 55 mph zone?  You know I am not listening to what you are saying to me right now because you are boring me out of my mind.  Do you really think you look good in that?  I hate your gazpacho it tastes like shit.  You really can't sing at all.  Quit the comb over Donald.  Are those boobs real - can I touch them?  Lady, with all the coupons you are irritating me and slowing me down - here's the $5 you are saving - now move out of the way!!  Fish is not supposed to have apricot jam on it - it was horrible.  Your drumming is bad - step it up a notch or you're out!  Quit having conversation with me while you are performing my yearly pap smear - just shut up and get it over with please!    They make nose clippers and can be purchased at any Walgreens - you need some.  I think you are extremely sexy and well, let's go at it right now."  I'm not clear yet on cards available for that holiday.  Although I know a few NFF's that I believe could write some pretty good lines.  Big D where are you?  Want a new job?  

1 comment:

  1. 1) How could you have missed that big ass sales ticket when you were IRONING your jacket??
    2) Good grief I could have made that turn 67 times!!
    3)Really???!!! You seriously just pulled out in front of me???!!! That's right...I'm gonna ride your ass.
    4) Oh I'm sorry...were you under the impression
    that I care?
    6) Of course I mean it when I smile and ask how your day is going...I'm sorry, what?
    7) NO MOTHER, I love it when you tell me I never
    call...or stop in...or call...or call..."groan"
    8) No, DON'T look hot wearing those jeans made for a teenager