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9.14.2010

CIRCLE YES OR NO

Will you marry me?   Circle  YES or NO.    Do you remember those notes in elementary school?  They cut right to the chase.  I mean, who needs to be friends first, date, court, be engaged.  Yes or No, WILL YOU MARRY ME!  It seems that even as kids we like straight up answers and want no fog or middle ground.  Fastest route please.  Eating breakfast with a friend of mine we were discussing how her knee has been hurting.  I sanely in a friendish, loving sort of way suggested that maybe she might want to see a doctor.  She responded with the refreshing spirit of will you marry me? circle yes or no, looked at me and said, "Why would I go to the doctor for him to do tests, spend all that money and his conclusion would be, 'You need to lose weight and exercise.'  I can tell myself that for free."   My suggestion to her was to write out her suggested diagnoses of lose weight & exercise, hand it to him and ask if he would give a price discount if his diagnosis agrees with hers. Questions in general are funny if you think about them.  Mostly there are two responses to questions; ones that directly answer what was asked and ones that answer everything but what was asked.   I once went to an iridologist (reads the specks in your eyes as they relate to organs in your body).  It was most interesting and so was this woman's delivery system for what she discovered by flecks of something (there is probably a scientific name) in my eyes.  After gazing into my eyes and furiously writing things on a yellow legal tablet she completed her diagnostic gazing.  Very directly and very calmly she stated to me, "You are going to die."   Well, I wasn't overly troubled with that as I already knew it when I arrived there.  She did not filter it other than to add, "....if you do not takes these supplements."  The pills were the size of Jupiter and I did not take them.  Mysteriously I am still living although I am heading toward death as I type:)  Her note clearly stated YES you are going to die!  I hate all things butterflyish.  Not the real ones in real life.  But, I don't care for them as decorations.  Years ago I bought a house and affixed on the outside were two very large brightly painted metal butterflies.  I took them down the day I moved in.  I don't like them on shirts, plates, on jewelry, yard ornaments or tattoos.  If you were to ask me "Do you like butterflies?  Circle YES or NO.",  I would most definitely circle no.  My friend gave me a gift at Christmas.  What do you think it was?  A butterfly pendant necklace:)  It's beautiful in fact, but it's a butterfly.  I circled NO but she didn't see the note:)  My grandfather was a food pusher.  You understand what I mean right?  He would in this loving, smiley grandfatherly way try to get you to eat more food or try some weird concoction of foods like cheddar cheese on top of apple pie with a spoon of chicken gravy on it.  You would say, "Gramps, no thanks."  He would try again with his attempts to shove his creation off on you.  Gramps had a hard time reading that the NO was circled on the YES or NO note.  I loved him for it, but no I never tried apple pie with cheddar cheese, heavy on the chicken gravy.  Today sitting in my office a woman client came in.  In the conversation I mentioned a seminar we were presenting and teased her that she and her husband were only coming because there would be pie.  She patted her middle and stated, "I don't need pie.  You, Lynn on the other hand look like pie hasn't built up a front porch on you yet!"  I laughed till I cried over her circling YES she needs to eat pie on my circle YES or NO note.  I was invited to see a professional Elvis impersonator the other evening.  Sure I can appreciate homage to King Elvis, but I don't have a yearning to see someone who earns their living wearing a white jumpsuit channeling Elvis' Burger King years.  I showed her my YES or NO card clearly circled in red ink was the word NO.  In fact, I added hell to the no on that one.  My dad is notorious for trying to give me food off his plate.  I've been at his house or in a restaurant and if he feels I didn't eat enough, he will just start putting part of his food on my plate.  But remember my grandpa and the apple pie - that's his dad.  I keep holding up my NO card, but my dad only has vision in one eye and must think I still look like Festus from "Gunsmoke".   I always liked that verse in the Bible that said regarding oaths, "Let your yes be yes.  And, your no be no."  Obviously God loved the CIRCLE YES or NO things in life.  I know I do.  Am I done with this blog tonight, YES OR NO?   Yes:)

1 comment:

  1. LOL LOL ok wait I have to catch my breath...

    For the record he doesn't like to be called an impersonator rather an "Elvis Tribute Artist."
    Does this impress you? YES or NO ;D

    ReplyDelete