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9.12.2010

TIRE CHECKS AND TARGET PRACTICE

You know the little black screw on cap for the air inlet on your car tires?  I found one the other day just randomly laying about in my garage.  For the life of me I couldn't figure out where it came from.  After painting and cleaning my garage I figured it had fallen out of something.  I threw it away without checking my tires.  Not smart.  A few days later I was washing my car and hub caps when I realized that little black cap was off my front passenger tire.  I should have checked them before I threw it away.  Presently I'm checking to see if I am on target in my life.  I've always had big thoughts - had them as a kid, a teenager, a young adult, while raising a child, while married, at every age and presently while re-entering the world of singleness.  Those "big" thoughts range across oh so many topics and levels.  A reoccurring and driving one in my life has been wanting to do "big" things, accomplish something way bigger than I am.  What is "big"?  Is it a by-product of not striving for it, a natural occurrence or do you conscientiously push and pull yourself toward it?  Where do you fit God into the whole mix of heart desires?  I have really never said my "big" stuff out loud (with the exception of maybe two people who know).  It's so intimate and personal.  It's also scary to say it to other people for many reasons; some are dream crushers, pressure, not being taken serious...  I think sometimes I have a bit of Moses in me.  You know, God called him to do something, but his own fear kept him from it for 40 years and even then he reluctantly did the "big" thing.  I want to experience the making outward of my inward passions.  I have wanted to write and speak since I can remember.  The times in my life where I have been able to do either of those I feel most content - as though I am operating in the way I was created to be.  To connect to people, and see it reach them, by standing in front of them and speaking, teaching, delivering words verbally that I have created is like the sweet spot for me. It's a place I want to return to again and again.  I have always wanted to write a book, sit in a bookstore and sign it, be on the Today Show, be a corporate team builder/motivational speaker/life coach.  Might sound a bit crazy to you reading this, but it's not new to God who has heard me through my life pour it out to Him time and time again.  I've had quite the life that's for sure.  How do I though create something that is true to who I am, not offensive to people or events in my life, meld God into it while just saying it in a powerfully real way?  Then coming at me are thoughts like; do I really have something to offer readers or the literary world, what do I want to say and will people want to hear it other than those that love me deeply, who would publish something from a nobody with no publishable background, am I really good at writing, why have I all my life had such a hunger to do this, do I have what it takes to do the process/the discipline, I do have something to say - a voice-a word-realness.  I need all my free-flowing thoughts to find a start.  I started this blog for the main purpose of getting stuff out of my head and heart while going through a major life change - a divorce.  It began as a way to get the crazies out chronicling what I was feeling.  What has been amazing is that most of what has come out of me isn't centered around going through a divorce after 25 years of marriage.  I soon realized that I just had things I wanted to say.  There are really only 4 or 5 people who read this blog regularly.  So, to you I tip my hat for tuning in to read the jumbleness of my big screened mind (applause to you somewhat forced groupies out there - take a bow)!  Some of you "fans" have been huge cheerleaders urging me on, clapping, leaving hysterical comments, letting me know that you think I am great.  I say to you all - thank you for the encouragement and possibly the lies:)  My goal has now become just to write 1000 words a day for 50 days straight without missing or stopping.  This exercise in blogging has been freeing, an inward study of Lynn, a work in process, a weird mix of strange-funny-thought provoking topics, a challenge to my mind and abilities, great practice of just getting to write words, words and more words (which I love remember), a celebration of creativity and spark unleashed again in my life, a way for me to express who I am and what I feel & think.   Making myself write this daily has caused me to stay up at times way later than my normal bedtime.  At times I wonder do I have 50 distinctive things I want to say.  Then I remember that I no doubt say at least 50 verbally distinctive things in a day - in case anyone in my life was counting all the significant and profound things I say:)   By the way today I found a copy of my high school graduation speech I gave and I laughed.  It's not going to be a blog entry - ever!

2 comments:

  1. OOOHHHH YEEEAAAHHHHHH BABY...you know I do!! And I can think of a plethora of others that hang onto every word, both spoken and unspoken, waiting...carry on....

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  2. Write, write, write away, baby!!

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