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11.03.2010

DEFINITIONS

Someone today said, among others things, in defining me that I was "relentless".  Now I have a love affair of words to begin with so it is not unusual that I ponderate on a word, dissecting it, trying it on for size and appropriateness.  What did I think about the word relentless?  Did I want to be defined as relentless?  Is that a positive or negative, or a more cross genderish word that is subjective to the eye or ear of the receiver?  My initial reaction was to feel it was a negative with a positive spin.  I looked it up.  My dictionary sits right on my kitchen counter most days.  I typically use it more than most of the dishes in my kitchen.  My Webster's says this of unrelenting;  showing or promising no abatement of severity or intensity.   Ok, then what is abatement...to reduce, moderate, decrease in force or intensity.  Did I like this definition of who I was?  Was I relentless?  If I was, what was I relentless over and did I always need be relentless?  Oh the over thinking that word has caused me.  The introspection that has occurred.  So, on the positive side of the word relentless, how does it play itself out in me - extreme purpose, dogged determination of what I think and feel and know, questing for understanding and knowing about people and things and processes and viewpoints and choices and God and how to get from here to there, wanting to know relevance and why of most everything.  But that word implies there is an intensity to approaching those things.  I hope that intensity doesn't mean an imbalance.  With that much relentlessness I want equilibration though also in my life.  Does relentless imply though out of balance?  No, I don't think so.  Why do I view it as negative?  Is it?  Or can it be a negative depending on how or what you are relentless about?  Does it mean I am unbending, not able to look at things around me with wonder because I am hell bent on whatever with such intensity that I can't see the forest for the trees?  I think part of my relentless spirit comes from figuring out things and then knowing them to such depth that it propels me in them.  There are pursuits in my life that I am relentless with.  Passion is one of them.  Passion is so many things really.  It is a manner of living, an act of intensity connected to love and how that plays itself out, a quest to experience and fulfill our God given design, exuberance and excitement over the simple-good-genuine stuff in life.  Passion is connection with our soul to another's soul, with creativity, with pursuits, with seizing the day, with giving it all away to others, feeling the fullness of all things in the present tense-in the moment fully.  It's taking the small and making it grand.  It's releasing and living fully who God created us to be.  Well, so I guess I am pretty relentless.  I'm hoping tomorrow that person might be able to tell me if they meant it in a good or bad or combination sort of way and how me being that way affects others.  I want my intensity to spark good things in people, to free them, to give them confidence that I know what I know and that's why I pursue with such intensity, to drive me to learn.  You don't think that person meant unrelenting the adult word for naughty or strong-willed, do you?

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