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11.30.2010

HANT

No you aren't reading the title to this post wrong.  Yeah, I know you think I must have meant to type HANK or HAND and it's just a typo.  My grandmother (spitting to the left and saying, "God bless her soul" in a Jewish voice denoting reverence for the deceased) on my dad's side only went to the 6th grade due to polio and the era she grew up.  She though, was not an illiterate or un-smart person at all.  She did have a few words she said that were just a bit syllably off by a smidgen.  One was the word hate which came out as "HANT".  No, I was not reared in the south but in the big Midwest corridor of the great lakes.  My grandmother was not reared in the south either nor did she fly a confederate flag as a northerner.  I'm not sure why she said hate as HANT.  Possibly she just didn't want to use the word HATE for the power it holds and changed it ever so slightly to diminish it's negativity.  How did she use the word?  Well, she would use it in a sentence like this, "I just hant when the sweet corn kernels don't fill out properly on the cob."  Or, "I hant tomato worms". BTW; tomato worms are these big juicy green apple colored jointed worms with tentacles that can munch and destroy a garden tomato plant.  Knowing of her HANT of those worms me and my sisters once collected a metal pie pan full of them and walked to grandma's house with them hidden behind our back.  When we stood in front of her we declared we had something for her and presented her with a pie plate full of her favorite worms.  She screamed and laughed at the same time.  Grandma was not a HANTING (hating) sort of person, but occasionally expressed her hant of something.  I can relate to grandma's hanting something.  Presently I hant a few things in my life too.  They are circumstances and choices beyond my reach to change them and I HANT that.  I hant that I can't make the choice, change the circumstance, speed up the decision that will be made. I HANT the fact that this choice will affect me in a huge way.  In essence I have to wait, can't store up emotionally for it either.  I am living with some measures of uncertainty.  Today I am just hanting that.  Hant I say:)

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