Recently I went to Savannah, Georgia to meet my new husband's father and his significant other for the first time.  I usually pack fairly lightly when I travel.  Checking bags slows me down getting here to there and I hate waiting in the baggage claim watching circling luggage, silently praying that mine will show up and not have my underwear hanging from the sides after the airport security does their random bag checks.  And, since I am a person of minimalism anyway, how much stuff do I really need!  Even my toiletry bag is rather sparse with only; deodorant, toothbrush, wrinkle cream (a must if you are over forty but unfortunately the airlines have this 3 ounce liquid rule which keeps me from bringing my 50 gallon drum I slather myself up with daily) toothpaste (Tom's if you must know), a comb, hairspray, perfume, eyeliner, mascara, brow pencil , lipliner and lipstick.  That's it.  Ok, maybe Q-tips too:)  In my purse you will find another lip liner and three or four tubes of lipstick.  I am a frequent reapplier of lip liner and lipstick throughout the day.  The second night we were visiting we went to a fairly famous and well-known restaurant in Savannah called, The Pirate's House.  It has a deep history in its building, and the food was quite good as well.  Having eaten a great meal (and way too much I might add), I excused myself to the bathroom.  The bathrooms were actually quite amazing with two hammered copper sinks and beautiful tiled floors and walls.  Amazingly enough I found myself alone in this magnificent bathroom.  The hammered copper sinks were surrounded by a beautiful granite counter top with a center hole for disposal of your trash.  I placed my purse on the counter and proceeded to dig around its general messiness for my lipliner and my favorite tube of lipstick.  After securing both, I laid them on the counter for a brief moment.  As soon as my hand removed itself from them I watched in horror as my lipliner quickly rolled into the granite cutout for the trash.  I tried to catch it quickly but I was too slow as I heard it hit the trash below.  Now, I had a dilemma.  I did not have another lipliner in my purse.   And, I am fully and completely addicted to lipliner and lipstick.  If there were support groups for people with my addiction, I would have to stand in the group's circle and say, "Hi, my name is Lynn and I am addicted to lipliner and all things lip related."  For me not to wear lipliner I feel like some do if they were to go out in public without their bra on - NAKED!!!  What was I going to do?  I looked around toward the door exiting the bathroom.  No one had entered since I had been in the bathroom.  Was I going to try to reach my hand down through the trash to find my lipliner?  If I did and someone walked in, would I explain and would they react with horror that I was shoulder high in a public trashcan just to find a $7 lipliner pencil?  I quickly figured out that I could not reach my hand down through the hole where the trash was and get any further than 6 inches into the trash.  My deduction was that the the weight of the lipliner had caused it to fall to the bottom of the trash.  Still no one entered the bathroom.  I finagled how to remove the trash container from underneath the hole in the granite counter top.  I started laughing at the absurdity of it all - me riffling through the trash openly in front of the sinks.  My OCD was starting to kick in at full speed as my hand touched something wet in the trash.  UGH!!!  This was not working as I had still not encountered the lipliner yet in my bobbing for makeup attempt.  I stopped and looked around again.  No one still.  Wow!  I am desperate now and feeling that I may be caught at any given moment, and yet my addiction drives me deeper still.  In a wild move to find the lip liner fast, I dumped the entire contents of the trash across the tiled bathroom floor and got down on my hands and knees and began sifting through it.  With a bit of paranoia, I glanced toward the door and then back to the mess I had created on this beautiful bathroom floor.  I was getting a bit grossed out as I thought about what may be on these pieces of paper towel.  That was it. I could not find it.  I stood and perused the strewn mayhem from a standing position.  Where in the hell was that lip liner?!  I had gone through every piece of trash but could not find it.  My heart rate increased a bit thinking if someone walked in at that moment and saw what I had done no amount of explaining would have worked to convince them I was a normal person!!  I quickly picked up the contents of the quite large trash container and threw them back into the trash can and then slide the container neatly back underneath the granite opening.  All that work, all those germs, all that mess and still no lip liner.  I again laughed wondering now what my family back at the table must be thinking I was doing in the bathroom taking this long.  Thoroughly convinced that I had encountered ecoli or Asian flu germs in the trash I washed my hands 3 separate times in the hottest water I could stand and used several swipes under the auto soap dispenser for each hand washing round.  Still alone in the bathroom I laughed out loud again at what it was to be Lynn and the depths I would go for an addiction. 

1 comment:

  1. Welcome back Lynn! LOL! Haven't said this to you in a while but "Only you Lynn, only you!!" No doubt one of your next stops before anything else was the cosmetic counter!