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5.24.2011

ODE TO SWEAT

I am a sweater.  No, not the wool kind worn in the winter.  I am a perspirer.  In fact, on my dad's side of the family there is a long lineage of sweating.  We don't just sweat lightly.  Nor do we sweat gracefully, beautifully nor in a glistening sort of way.  My grandmother, when she graced the earth, was clearly a pace setter for those of us following her in life.  I can vividly recall her in that house dress sort of full body apron in the heat of the summer cooking in the kitchen with beads of sweat running down her face.  Really though I can recall even when she sat without doing much of anything, there was some perspiration.  My mother is a total non-perspiring sort of person.  She is only connected to the sweat gene by marriage.  My dad on the other hand, rules the sweat gland performance awards as all time winner.  He will invariably change clothes multiple times a day and shower just as often in the heat of the summer when working outside.  I have seen first hand his ability to leave his clothes as wet as when they are pulled from the washing machine en route to the dryer.  His socks included will be totally wring them out wet.  My two older sisters and myself have followed suite with some definite variations in presentation of sweat.  My oldest sister's hair will look like she just climbed out of the shower.  Whereas my middle sister actually has a sweat mustache much like the DRINK MILK commercials.  I don't think any of us girls sweat through to making our socks dripping wet - thankfully!  I though sweat profusely in between my grand four lane highway of a chest (so fitting indeed!) and in the small of my back which creates a river naturally destined to slide down my butt crack!  Believe or not, there is something totally cleansing about exercising or working to a point where you are drenched.  It unbridles everything in you and allows it to leave in this magically wet and salty sort of way - sounds grand doesn't it:)  All of you non-sweaters cannot even know or understand that feeling.   One of my girlfriends once gave me a chamois with verbal instructions to cut it into small squares and place one in the valley of my four lane chest highway to capture the sweat that pools there.  Once after arriving at a property to show a client, I looked down only to realize that you could see the piece of paper towel I had stuck in my lacking cleavage area to soak up the sweat occurring due to the intense summer heat.  What's worse, a bit of sweat where no one can see it or a big wad of paper towel sticking ridiculously bulgingly through my shirt!  I have often threatened to have what must be an extra sweat gland between my breasts removed.  Why do I need a sweat gland there?  Why!

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