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10.18.2011

WHOPPER JAWED

I went to bed with a barrette in my hair.  Not one of those plastic purple butterfly ones either:)  My hair is naturally wavy randomly mixed in with not totally stick straight pieces,  Yesterday I straightened it completely.  So, by day's end, it was hanging in my eyes.  To get it off my face I pulled it back with a barrette.  I don't know if that is acceptable hair etiquette for a 45 year old.  (Great!  Now I have a 75 year old image of myself; very thin white wispy hair that I am refusing to cut short held back on the side by a barrette.  My scalp showing more clear landing spots than the surface of the moon. Remind me to cut my hair long before then, ok?? )  I then, after wearing the barrette all day, proceeded to go to bed with it still in my hair.  Now the problem with a barrette on the back of your head at night is that sometimes if you lay just right, it hurts.  Afterall, it was metal.  The other problem is much greater.  By morning a normal bed head becomes something akin to a Pentecostal teased mess - the after effects of a night with a barrette.  That was me.  As I laid in bed with my husband talking and snuggling, I kept shoving my hair from my face as my Pentecostal (I am not necessarily Pentecostal in religion nor does my normal hairstyle resemble their trademark big teased hair) updoo was more than askew.  As I pushed my hair back once again I told my husband that I had overly bad bed head.  He replied in pure Doug fashion, "Baby, you are beautiful no matter the hair!"   He changed his tune as I crawled out of bed, went to the bathroom and returned to bed.  "Babe, what happened in the bathroom (laughing hard).  Your hair looks like it got sucked up in the exhaust fan!"   My Pentecostal updoo created by a barrette, sleep and snuggling was a hysterical fright!!  As he left for work I explained that I was whopper jawed.  Doug looked at me like I had spoken Croatian, "What?"  "Whopper jawed," I said, "You never heard that phrase?  I'm not sure its real meaning can be found in Websters.  It's probably Midwestern slang.  It means; off kilter, messy, not straight, askew, cock-eyed."  I challenged him to finding a way to use it in a sentence with one of his employees today to see if they would know the meaning as well.  Doug said he thinks he will make a Lynn's Lingo Dictionary which will include whopper jawed as well as the phrase I blurted out over the weekend as I watched the movie "Cujo", "Beat his head like a rotten pumpkin!" (in reference to the mom using a baseball bat to the rabid dog Cujo's head).  Really, I'm not from Kentucky!  A couple states north though:)

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