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11.07.2011

NOT QUITE A POUND

My digestive tract doesn't work properly.  That is just the image you wanted in your head.  Stopping short of the reasons why, it just doesn't.  It is predictably unpredictable:) You can read about one of my many explosive diarrhea episodes in an earlier post entitled, "Can I Get Any Worse - Depends:)" from 9/25/10.    When I first met my recently wed husband, I didn't fully disclose my diarrhea issues.  I mean how do you say on an eharmony.com date that it is a "regular" part of your life.   One of my close friends who knows me well kept goading me about my "diarrhea disclosure" moment that would surely have to come eventually with him.  I got marred to Doug 30 days after meeting him on eharmony.  It has been one of the greatest things in my life.  Very shortly after being married, we travelled out of town for me to meet his kids.  Mind you I loved him from the first moment I read what he wrote, but 30 days is still 30 days:)  Staying the night in a hotel we were getting ready to meet his youngest daughter and her husband for church.  My husband was in the shower.  It hit me.  I mean diarrhea was moving through my colon at the speed of light.  I couldn't go in the bathroom where he was trapped in the shower and use the toilet.  I mean really, 30 days or 30 years, not sure I can do that.  While he showered, I bolted from the room running full speed down the hall, down the stairway hoping to find the lobby bathroom before it was too late.   I hit the bathroom stall door as I am whipping my pants down.  It was a split second too late.  Thankfully no one was in the bathroom.  Now I had a dilemma - how to clean up, discard the panties and get back to the room without having to confess.  I laughed in the stall at the irony of this moment.  Cleaning myself up, throwing my underwear away,  I put my jeans back on commando style and went back to the room.  He was still showering.  I didn't share that story with him until the 8 or 9 month mark.  It was then that I confessed my "diaries of diarrhea" with him.  He laughed at some of them and reassured me that didn't change his love for me at all.  And, if need be in the years to come, he had to clean me up, he would!  Now that is a conversation bracketed in deep love.   Digestively this week was a rough one.  One day in particular.  I have a routine of sorts.  I get up early usually to go to the bathroom.  When up, I brush my teeth (I have a brushing addiction), and weigh myself.  The scale read 112.  Back to bed I went.  As the day began I was hit with a single massive bout of diarrhea.  There couldn't have been anything humanly left inside of me.  I decided to weigh myself again.  The scale now read 111.4.  I laughed out loud at losing 12 ounces in one sitting.  Immediately I texted my husband with my diarrhea tale.  Holy crap:)

1 comment:

  1. A good diarrhea story never grows old my friend...never! This doesn't make us weird does it? Naw, I didn't think so either.

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