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1.22.2012

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

We watched the movie "Matilda" with our grand kids this weekend.  The two older ones, 9 and 5 years of age, stayed with us.   "Matilda" is a cute movie about a girl aptly named.  She was born to a family that didn't really love her, foster her intelligence or spend time with her.   She comes to realize that she is very smart, but that she also has special abilities.  She can, by thinking things, cause things to move - objects, people, etc.  It is a kid's movie and doesn't have the evil connotation of the movie "Carrie".  When Matilda realizes she has this ability, she begins to get empowered to change her circumstances and those she cares about.  There was a look she would get on her face when faced with cruelty or unfairness as she was about to use her abilities.  Our kids are all raised.  They are all married.  We don't have little kids on a daily basis and have lost our propensity, our stamina to do that way of life anymore.  What we don't use, we lose:)  It seems that when we needed the physical, emotional and mental energy of raising kids, we garnered it.  Our middle granddaughter is a pill, a pistol, a sparky little 5 year old who really doesn't take to anyone, grandparents included, telling her what to do.  Conflict can ensue because of that.  We watched the movie in the living room eating popcorn and m&m's on a sheet on the living room floor.  After the movie ended, Nadia was not liking something I was telling her to do.  She was not being compliant in any way shape or form.  I watched her face as I talked to her.  I could see she was trying to replicate the face that Matilda made in the movie when she used her special powers to change or move something that was unfair.  "Nadia," I said, "are you trying to do a Matilda on me?"  She wrinkled up her face as though there was no way possible she thought I would figure out what was going on in her head. "Yes" she said.  It was all I could do not to bust out laughing.  I wondered out loud to my husband on the drive home after dropping them off at the Starbucks parking lot with their mom . . .  What would she become as an adult?  What things in life would she, could she do if that powerful sassiness is channeled?  If a teachable spirit can be woven in that I AM way of thinking?  My grown daughter graduated college with a communications degree and an art minor.  She has always been creative.  Her creativity has taken on many different venues through the years; drawing, painting, organizing, decorating, dressing, piercings, hair color, poetry and writing, and tattoos.  When she was 5, like Nadia, I could see her personality.  You don't fully know how it will all come together though.  How their personality will articulate and function in adult life.  But, you get glimpses.   My daughter just got her third tattoo today.  Her first tatto, on the top of her foot, is lyrics to a song.  The second tattoo, on the front side of her shoulder area, is a large bird cage flung open with birds flying out free.  Today's tattoo, on her side, is colorful and  shows an anatomically correct heart with roots and green new growth coming out of the arteries.  I admire anyone who is true to how they were created.  Who can walk in the way that brings fulfillment and satisfaction and honesty to who they are.  She is that person.  I tell her all the time I don't want a tattoo.  I don't think they are right, wrong or indifferent.  They just aren't me much like dresses aren't either.  Being creative, artistic and expressive she is being true to who she is.  She is using her tattoos as a form of art.  I love her for that.  Our best lives are not those that others want us to live.  They are lives that we must live or we are not truly living!

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