I just don't have the desire to waste time or energy any more.  I don't want to put up with things that I might have had to or did earlier in my life.  In conversation with someone yesterday they asked if I would do a certain thing should the opportunity arise.  With great clarity and a clean set of glasses to view myself and life, I replied, "No.  I don't want to drive 40 minutes to work.  I can't tolerate arrogant people.  I just don't have the desire to sidetrack my ultimate goals.  I know who I am, what I want, what I can and can't do.  Call it middle age or mid-life crisis or an epiphany, but I am done de-railing my heart's desires by choices that take me farther away from my goals than they do closer."   I just don't have time for the arrogance of youth any more.  I feel intolerant of people who tout their superiority.  I don't want to work for either of those categories.  I don't want to be all things to all people.  This is who I am.  Take it, enjoy and partake in my goodness.  Or, NOT!  I don't have time or patience for meaninglessness any longer.  The finish line for me is closer than last year and the year before that.  I choose deliberateness now.  No is a word of choice for me now.  If life is a buffet, I don't want my plate filled up with insignificant drivel.   I don't want the end of a day, a week, a month, a year to go by any more without purpose and passion.  I want to consciously be moving toward the things that drive my heart, my mind, my spirit, my life.  Period.  The rest of it I just don't want to waste my time and energy on.  When you are young there are a lot of "have to's" in life.  I want to live because I choose to do this or that.  I lived differently for the first 44 years of my life.  Call it making up for lost time.  Call it a right of passage that happens to most of us at some later point in our lives.  I am imperatively being present and deliberately eliminating or reducing distractions that keep me from moving toward what I see in my head and heart.  A friend of mine and I were talking once about a form of self-actualization.  Visualization of what you hunger for.  It's not a mystic, psychic sort of thing.  But, it is a strong belief, knowledge set in your heart that you already have what you hunger to achieve - it has already occurred.  All that has to happen is that it just has to happen.  And, it will.  You are in essence moving to something concrete - something completed.  So, I move toward that something completed with confidence and excitement knowing it is within my reach.  That's why I just don't have time or tolerance for shitty, meaningless drivel and sometimes people, detours, out of whack priorities, the temptation of the urgent over the important, or doing things with no point.  Missional only living for me please.

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