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4.23.2012

I FEEL PUNK

Why is it there are days, weeks or stretches that we feel on top of our game?  It could be that we have kept our priorities in order.  It could be that we have stayed the course in a direction we want something in our lives to move toward.  It could be that our skin is clearer than normal, we have dropped 5 pounds, or our hair seems to be having a great styling stretch.  Possibly we just feel in rhythm, in sync, in alignment.  Other times there seems to be a bit of a funk about us.  I hate funks.  Usually they are vague, somewhat undefinable, not scheduled or with a known departure date.  My Grandma Weldy used to say, "I feel punk."  It has relative meaning to feeling inferior or bad.  No one really knows it for that definition, though that is listed as an adjective definition of the word.  Instead, more modern times have applied the word punk to a youth movement style or a petty criminal who is typically a kid.  I've only ever heard a handful of people use that phrase to define this ambiguous yuckiness that washes over us from time to time.  Usually it's not precipitated by any one definable or absolute thing, event, person, or circumstance in our lives.  It's more like a cloud that rolls in and stalls for a time.  Funks mostly dissipate or melt away, until one day, before we have given it real conscious thought, we are not in it any more.  I have felt that way as of late.  It might vaguely be connected to various and sundry events, but it too is just there in its indiscernableness.  Not one withstanding, being in a funk always colors my view on every area in my life.  It creates a critical state of mind in how I view externals and most definitely internals.  My writing is horrible, this situation will never get resolved, how will I handle that if it happens, I don't want to age, why can't I feel good everyday, will I ever love church again, I can't seem to move to where I want to be at the speed I want to.  Weather produced fog hangs indefinitely until the sun equalizes the ground and air temperatures. My daughter has always loved weather fog.  I have never liked it.  Ever.  This funk, this fog of sorts will be replaced eventually with the return of a skip to my step.  Forward thoughts will replace my current circular ones.  And, the momentum of both will push the funk away. 

2 comments:

  1. Fog is like our relationship with God: we can only see what's right in front of us, but we will still get where we need to be. I can't handle more than a few feet of visibility anyway in life.

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  2. You are insightfully observasive.

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