I wish I could, adequately and fully with words, capture the bigness of certain things I feel.  That there was a way to record them in full high definition to be re-played with replicated exactness over and over again. 

You no doubt have triggers, reminders, flashes of things that catapult you to experiencing wide-open throttled emotions inwardly.  Maybe they are events that are hard.  Maybe though, they are events, experiences, moments of great zen-ness.  Things that strike exactly who you are in your native language so to speak.  

I have a beautiful orange sweet ride, referenced in the very first blog post title of this blog and also in later posts.  It is new, but made to look retro.  It has a suspension-shock system with a seat big enough for J-Lo's original butt to ride on with room to spare.  Beautifully painted bright orange, it sports ridiculously huge handlebars, very wide tires with white walls and fenders that would make a Harley owner jealous.  It is a reminder of my recovery from deep illness and a gift of hope from my father.  Many, many miles have been logged on that bike in the past 7-8 years.  Everyone of them I have been conscious and grateful for health that allowed me to ride again. 

This orange ride of mine is a townie bike though with no gears and brakes in the pedals.  It was created and designed for strolling and tooling about town rather than for high miles and speed.  I could probably out coast Lance Armstrong on it, but I would be left in the dust on inclines or in the face of wind.  So, pretty much he would whip my ass.  Come to think of it, no matter the bike, he would beat me.  Though I am steroid free in my biking endeavors:)   The speed and the duration of the journey is dictated solely by your own legs.  So if you've got the quads, you can log the miles or the incline. 

My husband and I, wanting to do some serious biking of more than 10 miles at a time, purchased a new bike for me.  It's a Fuji 80 zillion speed white bike.  It was fitted for my height, leg length and not fully functioning grip strength of my right hand to more easily work the rear brake. 

The same day of purchase, we loaded up the bikes and drove to a bike trail that offered 30-40 miles of biking.  I had such ecstasy that I thought I would implode from the barrage of senses that were firing non-stop full rounds internally.  I wondered if it was possible to get high just from stimuli.  If it was, I was there. 

I had spent the better part of my childhood, even forgoing cars at times in my teenage years, to adventure on my bicycle.  It was nothing for me to get on my bike at 16 or 17 years of age and ride 30 miles on a Sunday afternoon.  I would be by myself enjoying the feeling of nature, the wide open country roads and time to just be free in my spirit and head.  It was there I felt a strong connection to God and how I came to be. 

We unloaded the bikes from the bike rack.  Off we went to traverse the bike trail. The trail wound itself through farmer's fields across parts of two counties.  Portions of it were in the woods, while short spurts took you to the wide openness of fields and bright sun.  A few hills dotted the trails and the trail followed the earth's natural design of them.  The sights, sounds, lack of sounds, and smells were familiar to my farm raised psyche.  There were the backdrop of much of who I was, the things that fueled my engine, unleashed passion, and created a deep sense of peace and contentment in me.  Riding the miles was magical.  The warm air, the full summer bloom of greens, the wheat swaying in the breeze, the sound of birds or the scurry of a small critter. The wind in the trees screamed to my soul and spirit...You are home.   

If a car needs oil and gas and cylinders to operate successfully, then I needed a bike to take me the distance, some wide open space and nature.  I couldn't clearly define to my husband in audible fifty-cent words what the new bike and day had meant to me.  I tried to tell him, how grateful I was to get to operate in my zone.  The words fell very short of my monstrously large feelings.  It was gratitude, reverence and ecstasy all rolled up together.  What emotion or word that is, I just don't know.  I did know though that the feelings were amazing, almost dizzying and addictive.

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