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6.11.2012

I WILL MY UTERUS TO.....

When I was a senior in high school we each completed a senior survey that was published and distributed to the school student body.  It had questions like; what do you aspire to be?  your favorite music?  person who influenced you the most?  most embarrassing moment?  The last statement on the survey was; I will my ______________________ to _________________.  That fill-in the blank statement allowed you to leave something, some ability, some rightful title earned, a possession, a nickname, anything to some underclassman, thus leaving your legacy of something to someone.   It was meant to be humorous.

I have 5 nieces that I have always been close to.  They are all unique, smart, beautiful and bless me by their zest for life, smiles and love.  My own daughter rounded out 6 granddaughters on my side of the family now ranging in age from 19-26.  Three are married (including my daughter), one is engaged and two are sophomores in college. 

Jessica, my oldest niece and a year older than my daughter, has an exuberance for everything.  From the time she entered the outer world, she has found throw her head back pure joy in just about everything from a silly kid song as a child, a new nail polish color, a good book, a bite of pie, in playing guitar and singing, to her work, friends, family.  You name it, whether mundane, routine or grand, she got equally excited and expressed it.  She still does.

She has been married 4 years.  More than ready to start a family, her and her husband have had a difficult time, due to some physical issues, getting pregnant.  As time has worn on without a pregnancy, it has left them frustrated, disappointed and probably a bit angry that life seems to be happening for those around them, but not them.   Understandable for sure. 

Not being able to shake her from my thoughts a few days back,  I called her at work one day.  Expecting to hear her answer the line in that Jessica joyishness that gushes in her words, I was met with a more subdued and quiet Jess.  We talked a bit about this and that.  Jobs, apartments, living in a large city now for her.  I asked how she was really doing, how her emotions were with not being able to get pregnant.  She shared her disappointment, her husband's struggle and his deep desire to be a father.  My heart broke for her.  Being in a waiting room in life when you want to be moving fluidly fulfilled through it is horrific. 

I couldn't change her physical body.  I couldn't speed up this season she and her husband were going through.  I didn't want to give her a pep talk, a cliche (even though time does change everything to the good or bad).  The only thing I had to offer was humor.  Irreverency to view heartache brushed with a bit of humor.

"Jessica, most of the time we will things to people upon our death.  Maybe some money, a house, a trinket...  I would like to will you my uterus right now.  I'm 45 and done with it.  It still is mostly working and I don't want or need it!"  My outrageous, fly in the face of somberness aimed directly at taking the sting out of the heaviness she felt was met by Jessica's extreme laughter.  BINGO!  I heard the lightness back in her voice.  I momentarily heard her kick back her head in the moment and enjoy like the Jessica I knew and loved.

Though said tongue in cheek, there was much truth in what I said.  I, in humor outwardly willed my uterus to her, inwardly I asked God to give her what I no longer had a need for... a working reproductive system. 



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