Out for a run last night at dusk I was talking to God. In particular, I was remembering His great love for me during my divorce. I recounted to God how I felt covered by Him during that time of my life when most people ran the opposite direction. Many times I had cried physical tears to God that really only held part of the pain I felt, the fear I was experiencing, the struggle I was having. There weren't enough tears to hold the enormity of what I was experiencing. So many times He provided His voice to me through this unbelievable peace and comfort, soft words to my spirit, the encouragement of a friend, a verse out of the Bible or a coin found on the road.
Coins and God and I have a thing. It has been an avenue of God to visibly show me He is listening, He is loving, He is present. It started many years ago when I was too ill to work and was beginning my slow and painful recovery. Walking a few blocks daily I would talk to God about wanting to go back to work to earn a living, to feel whole again. I began to find money on my walks. God was showing me He was providing for me. He heard me. He loved me. It would be ok. I would recover. I would work again. To trust Him.
Last night running I told God again of my disappointment in the church and their reaction to me being a pastor's wife who went through a divorce. I wasn't holding the volume of hurt I did six months, a year, or two years ago, but I still felt I wanted to keep the church a bit at arm's length. I told God I did not want Him at arm's length and wondered was He growing tired of my slow journey through this process of letting the pain go?
Rome Sweet Home. A great read.
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