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10.08.2012

EXHAUSTION, a state of mind and body



I like feeling a bit stretched - having a tad bigger palate in life in front of me than my hands can hold.  It pushes me.  I actually feel most like myself if something or other in my body is a bit owie from some sort of overwork.  Like my abs today for instance.  I did double the ab routine I normally do last night thus creating pain when inhaling or exhaling deeply, bending over, trying to practice good posture habits or even cough.  Exhausting those muscles make for forward progress.  That type of exhaustion is a necessary part of changing your body structure. 

I too like feeling that something I need to know and understand is just outside of my reach, my know, my come-easy-to-me abilities.  It causes me to think harder, focus, research and plunge ahead into unknown waters.  A bit exhilarating, though if extended for too long, exhausting.  Once in awhile I like to expend all I got plus some I didn't think I had to reach a place I thought I might not be able to get to.  That exhaustion is satisfying and invigorating.

I very much like physical home improvement projects that require some hard work and stamina to accomplish changing or upgrading the aesthetics of where I abide daily.  There is a deep satiation in making my house into a home that reflects who I am.  In creating an environment that allows me to feel in tune and restored.  Sometimes those projects get tedious and long.  I can get exhausted from the upheaval they cause in diminished relaxation time and increased chaos in the surroundings I am trying to live in.  That exhaustion is temporary and the results reap huge and lasting benefits that I can enjoy for years and years to come.

I many times also like time constraint types of exhaustion.  I find a bit of a thrill on blueberry hill from seeing how much I can cram into a day, a week, and sometimes in the time frame before I walk out the door in the morning.  Call it beating the clock, a race against time, but I enjoy a bit of frenetic cramming from time to time.  It can create exhaustion though when I refuse to slow down or pace myself and continue to maximize the minutes to their full potential and beyond.  That type of exhaustion is a completed a daily marathon kind of exhaustion and it can be easily addictive.

I also like temporary chaos periods.  Those times where you are put outside of your normal routine by people or circumstances.  Holidays and extended family periods fall into that category.  There is an electricity, an energy, that is found in Thanksgiving and Christmas, visits with kids, overnight weekends with grand kids, dog sitting one of the kids' dogs, travelling out of town, quick trips for business.  Those times though can leave one in a bit of a state of exhaustion.  It's hard to figure how things, even people and things we love, can leave us whipped and exhausted.  But they can and do! 

I'm not sure why, but as I have aged I need black out days, much like the airlines do with redemption on frequent flyer miles.  I need recovery days.  Just like running as I've aged, I need more time between things to recover from those things - even if they are events, people, circumstances, projects or travels that I enjoy. 

It seems that we run through life, or at least I do.  My brother-in-law, a full-time fire fighter, works a schedule of 24 hours on followed by 48 hours off.  Maybe all of life should be like that.  Exhaustion never leaves if we don't recover from it before we create more! 

Exhaustion is both a state of mind and a real destination.  I've got both presently.

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