If you've ever watched the movie, "A Christmas Story", the one where Ralphie wants a Red Rider BB gun, you know that moment when the father gets his prize, the fish net stockinged leg lamp.  He places the lamp on the table in the front window.  The next scene shows him trying to figure out where in that conglomeration of too many plugs in the outlet to plug in the lamp.  By plugging in yet again something into an overloaded outlet in the 1950's, the power goes off momentarily as sparks fly from the outlet.  Moments later, a few curse words, and through baited breath, the outlet pumps out the needed surge of power and the lamp comes on.

Quite possibly I feel a bit like that overloaded outlet from the 1950's.  It's been a bit of too much at one time.  Yet one more thing that is overloading my already weighted heart and mind.  It's a collision course of many things merging onto the highway of life at the same time.  My outlet is overloaded!  Everyone gets that way from time to time.  It is a normal but unpleasant part of life.

I told my husband tonight that my head doesn't want to be burdened with the things that have seemed to want to occupy every square inch of it in high definition for the past week.  My heart wants to set it down, to not be dominated from every direction by my human reaction to some tough things.  I don't want to carry it with me.  I've asked God to help me process it, analyze it humanly if possible, and then face the fact that sometimes there are people and things that cannot be cataloged properly.  Some things are unresolved maybe forever in the human world.  Letting go of that stuff is way more difficult than things that are more defined and resolved.  There is more of a start and a clear finish to them.

What if I never get the resolution that is needed, that is proper, fitting and right?  Can I place this too in that basket of unresolved, unfigured out things and let them pass through without vindication or ownership of them declared by the guilty participants?  Can I clear my mind and heart of me enough to allow God to bind my hurt and present hate (don't throw your Bibles at me yet as God can handle our emotions) and get on with it?

I wondered this week if I were ever faced with a perpetrator in a court room who faced charges for killing someone I loved, could I forgive?  Could I forgive only if they acknowledged it?  What if that person never owned it, expressed sorrow, or was never found?  What if the unknown was never resolved?  I thought about those that had found in that place of unresolved horrific circumstances a land that flowed richly and abundantly with God's grace.  That is big grace.  Mine seemed small in comparison to those circumstances.

I asked God to make this unresolved and overloaded heart and mind fertile for God's grace.

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