Growing up in the staunch religious background I came from there was always a bit of unspoken but clearly recognizable fear inside me on New Year's Eve. It was connected to the fact that I was taught Jesus would return in the clouds one day. I figured since New Year's Eve was the end of something and the start of something new, it would be Jesus' preferenced day for His return. Mind you, I didn't fully know how God worked as a kid. I still don't always know but don't fear that lack of knowledge or believe God is to be totally figured out. If He could be, why would He be God.

It wasn't that I didn't want Jesus to come back or go to heaven. It's just that I was a kid who hadn't gotten to live all the things that loomed out there in the future. I still wanted to get done riding the bus, get to keep a necklace from a boy, go to high school, drive a car. I wanted to experience everything. I especially wanted to someday get to be an adult because, from my kid vantage point, it seemed like freedom:
Many a New Year's Eve was spent overnight at the lake my grandparents lived on. My grandmother knew nothing of that bit of fear that wanted to take up residence in me every New Year's Eve. She did know that me and my sisters loved eating pimento spread sandwiches with the crusts cut off and ice cream cones on a sheet in front of the TV. Ice cold Pepsi out of the glass bottle and all the Cheese Nips you could ever dream of were a New Year's Eve must have. If Jesus did chose to come back, at least I had a great last meal!
Evidently my parents were off to their own New Year's Eve party, or were just relishing a quiet night without three kids in the house. They were never present at our overnight party stay at grams and gramps. My grandfather always fell asleep in the corner in his black leather recliner with snores that rivaled the Times Square crowd that blared across the TV. Gram spent her night waiting on three girls' every food whim. She usually at some point said, "You girls stay up as late as you want. Just turn the TV off when you go to bed." What a cool grandma!
I'm not sure when I finally realized that ridiculous fear I held was just that, ridiculous. But it left me as the years faded to adulthood.

New Year's Eve is a collision of saying goodbye to things we knew and experienced in the past year and looking forward to things that our hearts desire in the coming year. Leaving and entering occurs in just a few seconds. I rather like what that signifies.
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