Why is it when you are looking for something that is the exact time you cannot find it?  It seems despite the desire, the effort, the deep seated need, the leaving-no-stone-unturned frenetic approach to finding that thing, it cannot be found.  I hate that.

I'm not a time waster.  I don't like simple things made complicated.  Those two things are internal grenades for me.  Not being able to locate the wanted or needed unfound item is like pulling the pin in me.

Why is it too that when you are looking, searching for that thing you are trying to find or acquire, to ascertain, to put the last finishing touch on something you just decorated or constructed that you clearly remember seeing it when you weren't looking for it? That makes no logical sense does it.  That tells me it's not that the thing I am seeking, hunting for isn't made or sold or available, but that it is illusive.  Oh you can run, but you cannot hide:) 

If I have gone to the bother to seek an item out, for me that means I am ready to make the choice of purchase and move on.  Some would tell you there is a thrill in the seek of the hunt.  They would not share my personality bent in the least. 

There are things in the past year I have sought diligently but only found when I finally gave up looking.  There are still a few unfound that I am still searching for.  It's sort of like big game hunting with a scope rifle and coming away empty handed.  Then, when you don't have the rifle with you, or hunting season has passed, you see that big elk.  The hunted always seems to hide from us.

My partial list of things I have obsessively looked for, shopped for in multiple states, quested for, overplayed my patience for shopping in general over, and then began to slowly care less if I found is as follows:

  • Big metal wall leaves to hang on my newly remodelled and painted kitchen. (Eventually found over a year later in Saugatuck, MI when all hope had been lost to finding the image I had in my head that would be perfect for that space.)
  • Large whimsical earth-toned metal flowers for the outside brick patio wall. (The items were found in Suttons Bay, MI after previously looking in some seemingly 4,000 other stores over the course of a year.)
  • The simple white boy-short all cotton underwear I like as the natural lifespan of the current ones were fastly approaching. (Located and purchased in Chicago, IL while wasting time waiting on my husband who was in a meeting.)
  • A pair of black Born shoes like the ones I purchased 12 years ago and literally wore out. (They remain still unfound after a continuing ongoing two year search.  I hate that styles change!  What I like, I like!!)
  • A teapot in just the right color and price with a removable infusor (I finally gave up and lowered my standard because I wanted to use my wonderful yummy Teavana chai oolong tea!)
  • A bottle of Perry Ellis 360 perfume. (Every time I get to the bottom of the current bottle panic ensues. I have basically 8-10 more sprays left and I can't find another bottle in the store.  I've worn that perfume as my signature scent for 15 years.  Life might end as I know it if I stop smelling like me.  I would cease to get random strangers comments and questions such as, "You smell great.  What is that perfume?)
  • A lid to replace the one on my large dutch oven pan that fell apart years ago when the handle came unsoddered. (I continue to use the pan, refuse to give up hope that another lid can be found and use either a tray or a piece of aluminum foil as a lid when needed.  One day I will find one.  No use throwing away a perfectly good pan just for lack of a lid!)
  • Leggings for a sweater dress I have that don't remind me of the cable-knit butty socks (a phrase created by my eldest sister four years my senior when she had to shake me into my tights before church) I wore as a kid, or make my legs look 2 inches thicker than they are. (These though actually might be able to be found but I have a slight aversion to panty-hoseish things and am reticent to leap into that purchase.  It takes me way, way out of my comfort zone.  If the perfect ones could be found, well then yeah!)
  • A new bed comforter that combines the colors I seek with the texture and weight I can handle along with the type of material that doesn't need to be taken to jumbo front loading laundry mat washer every time I want it washed. (I have found one or two but the price and the washing thing has kept me from purchasing. Get on the design ball will you Martha Stewart!)
  • Timothy's brand Winter Carnival flavored coffee (now sold exclusively in Canada and cannot be shipped across the border.  Evidently there is a huge smuggling coffee issue between the overly aggressive Canadian people and ourselves that it necessitates halting the shipment of it to the U.S.  I asked Doug recently if we could take a trip to Toronto recently.  I'm not sure he knew why fully.)
  • Once while speaking before a class I was teaching, while in the middle of a thought- the middle of sentence even, my internal screen went entirely blank.  (There was no hiding the depth of my mental blackout. I had no choice but to just admit to them that the next thought that was there was gone.  It was gone so far into the black hole of my mind that I had no idea where it went, how to retrieve it, or where to move forward without it despite my intensive panicked searching.  My confession brought the house down.  I never remembered it, ever.)

Maybe searching for that item you are trying to find needs to be approached like Kato the oriental butler to the Pink Panther, Inspector Clouseau, approached the inspector to help keep the inspectors lightening fast defensive fighting skills sharp - a surprise attack!
Once, over and move on.  Searching is so time consuming! 

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