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4.09.2013

PORCUPINE SYNDROME


You would have to ask those closest to me, but I am normally pretty even keeled.  Life brings newness to me every day and I find things to celebrate, entertain myself over, enjoy and actually find contentment in almost daily.  I think most would say I am what you see for the most part.  That is, except today.

Grouchiness came over me last evening and I was hoping to sleep it off.  I unfortunately awoke with the same grouchiness I hit the pillow with at midnight.  It was a case of the I- wanna-eat-you-for-breakfast growlies.  I wish I really knew where exactly this cross demeanor descended upon me from, the reason it seems to have overstayed its welcome, and how exactly to get this unwanted house guest to leave my mind, spirit, soul, and body.

Since I am not normally grouchy it feels foreign to me - much like I suspect I would feel in tight leather pants.  This grouchy feeling makes me feel ungrateful and lacking in grace.  My intolerance for everything moving and breathing, and quite possibly all inanimate objects, smacks of impatience and selfishness.  I do not like who I am today.

The origins of grouchiness are muddy waters.  It is probably partly circumstantial, partly environmental, maybe physiological, and possibly a chemical/hormonal thing in our bodies.  It could be the delay of spring and too many gray days.  Too many changes too quickly.  Not enough hours of sleep over the course of a period of time.  Disgust over situations far from our control.  I just really don't know.  It is though part of the human experience.

The best solution I could come up with to counter this grouchy beast within was to hide from all of humanity today.  I had no desire to engage people in conversation.  No desire to extend warmth or grace.  Everything seemed highly annoying and irritating.  Even running was hard and not fluid today.  I suppose my rhythm is just off today.  My synapses are not firing correctly.  My mind is cloudy.  My spirit is gray and unsettled.  And, my head is murky. 

I do not like being grouchy.  I totally understand Oscar the Grouch's (from Sesame Street) famous words, "Now leave me alone, and get lost!" 

If I were an animal today I would most assuredly be a porcupine - quills up!

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