
It’s hard to not equate
behavior to love. I mean we live in a
reward based society so naturally we apply that system to everything – including
love.
I heard it a lot
growing up in the church - around the people of God, the earthly interpretation
of God on earth – “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” It’s great in theory, but I didn’t always see
it played out. There was a strange
disconnect and huge dichotomy between what I heard and what I saw sometimes.
My favorite uncle on my mom's side lived in a suburb of Chicago when I was a kid. He was a mix of high intelligence with multiple degrees, wild irreverence and charm, and a love of living life. He smoked a pipe [to my mother's disdain] and drank alcohol [to her consternation also].
He was a bachelor for a time and when I would stay with him he would give up his bedroom to me and my sisters. But, his messy ways meant that we would sleep in his unwashed sheets that were covered with dog hair. There was nothing patterned or orderly in his house or world in comparison to how I was raised. Because his method of living, approaching life was different, much of his life was considered wrong by the measuring stick I grew up with. I saw past some of those deep imperfections. I saw passion, depth, creativity and spark. I couldn't throw away the good because of the bad I clearly saw in him.
It was that uncle who awakened in me the desire to be fully alive, to experience, to feel, to think, and to express. He fanned those things from a spark to a fire over the years. Affirming me through my life with written and verbal words of clarity on who he saw me to be, commissioning me to go and live, creatively giving gifts that were unique and personal. His influence in my life and world stood in grand contrast to the ways of order, tasks and discipline first. Even though he was a greatly flawed man who left a swath of pain in his family, there were good things in him.

And sin, well sin was a whole other subject
matter itself. There was a system for
that too which involved much self-righteous finger wagging over sin’s outward
manifestations. Though so much of our
sin is hidden and kept from others which doesn’t make it less than the
noticeable or horrific, just hidden.
I saw a man in our church stand and declare his moral failing, his sin of adultery, to the entire church one Sunday morning. Since I was a kid at the time I don't know whether he simply felt compelled to extrapolate his soul to his brothers and sisters in Christ or if he felt pressure to handle his sin this way from leaders in the church. One seemed like a good thing. The other, seemed wrong and forced.
I wondered at that young age how many of those
sitting in the pews listening to his confession had also sinned or were presently in sin? What were they doing about confessing and
what justified having to say your sins out loud – the perceived bigness of them
by others, or by God?
I would some day find out myself what that felt like . . .
Glad you transcended and stepped out of judgmental thinking at such a young age. I like how you did not "throw away the good because of the "bad"" concerning your uncle. Love how you write that that alone was an awakening to be fully alive. Recommend a certain movie - "Old Gringo" with Gregory Peck, Jane Fonda, and Jimmy Smits. I'm not a Christian; have had an extra-marital affair; and don't believe much at all in the Bible or the existence of hell - am "free" of several things from younger days. Nice write - and I hope you don't end up feeling guilty about writing it. Hope you stick to your awakened senses:) MI
ReplyDeleteMI - not sure we transcend anything totally ever, but becoming aware is a bit part of it.... we are constanding "transcending", "processing".... journeying toward less crap in our heads and hearts. Well, I too have had an affair, but believe in the bible, hell, and the grace of God who created humans who are flawed. I've got no guilt for what I wrote. Should I:) lol! Hope to come to the end of my natural life continuing to be awakened!
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