I'm not a good sleeper in every sense of what the word good means [fine, superior, quality].  Nor do I sleep deeply or well [in a complete, full or thorough manner].  I also don't sleep for the full recommended 7-8 hours of sleep the experts say some adults should get.  My body just isn't wired for it.  Nor do I need it - my daughter sleeps enough to make up for my lack.

Unfortunately it seems, no matter the time of night I go to bed, I am still up at a certain time, after a certain number of hours.  That no doubt has greatly changed my husband's sleep patterns.  He wants me to sleep in with him.  I simply cannot.  To lay awake in bed after 5-6 hours of being asleep while he sleeps several more hours is not possible for me.

We all operate on a slightly different time schedule with sleep, work, etc.  We live in different time zones.  And although we all only have 24 hours a day - an equalizer among humanity - we are at different points in the time line and at varying stages of acceptance with time.

I awoke early today, New Year's Day, and not wanting to disturb my husband Doug, I found my clothes from the night before in the dark in a heap close to the bed.  They were right where I exited them five and half hours earlier. I decided to use this early morning time to write in our office. 

Our office contains a hammered top desk with a bow-back chair, a small lamp with a linen lampshade, a handful of pictures on the desk of family, a 5-shelved graduated bookshelf which holds the printer, some mementos, a quote - "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt, 5 linen baskets that hold hanging files and a bill sorter.  The ironing board and iron are always in the up position in that room because Doug and I are ironing freaks.  On the wall is a wire shelf made out of pipes that holds the small 13" TV that sits in front of my treadmill. There is also a closet that houses a mish mash of crap that doesn't really go together but I don't know where it should go!  The treadmill faces a very large window that looks out over our backyard.  That makes up the office.  

Walking in to the office to utilize this precious early morning time, I was met with a bit of a cool breeze.  While running on the treadmill yesterday after work, I opened the window for fresh air.  I forgot to close it.  Though 62 degrees here yesterday, nights get in the 30's.  It was brisk in there!  My thoughts started to disintegrate immediately .....

[Focus Nancy!  You only have a bit of time to write.  Don't get distracted by the imperfections in the room - the pile of papers that need to be addressed or filed on the desk, the box sitting on the bookcase that needs to be packed and mailed to kids, my now empty cup of coffee, the cool temperature in the room...]  I laughed at my inability to grab a hold of this measured amount of time before it slipped away. It was a fitting notation for New Year's Day. 

Depending on where you are in the timeline, time passes faster after a certain point.  I was at that point for sure.  There was a bank of time used up behind me, and an undetermined and unguaranteed amount that lay before me.  I sometimes felt it slipping through my hands.

Age makes you realize something poignantly - life is fast so you gotta hold on to the things that matter - the things that are what you are designed to do.  Realizing chronologically that you now don't have as much time ahead as you have banked behind you makes time a far more precious commodity than in our younger days. You want to guard it - throw the crap out that sucks time away with unimportance and triviality. I get more fierce with protecting time as I age.

Time is a race for sure.  I don't think though I'm supposed to be frantic.  Nor should I be will-nilly with it.  Most definitely I cannot beat it.  I do so foolishly try most days though.

I have stuff in my already spent time bank that I wish I could do over.  I'm sure you do too.  Time though has and continues to teach me much.  I only have what is now and no guarantees of anything past that.  I want to use it wisely, value it as a treasure and be relentless in my pursuit of my place in the timeline.

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