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3.20.2014

A SAD GOODBYE


I am doing a lot of lasts as of late.  Savoring the things that make my heart soar.  They all involve the big wide open outdoors.  If I could store them up, I would.  I feel as if I am saying goodbye to an old friend.  My Aunt Dee knows just what I speak of.

We walked our favorite hill - clear to the top for the view of what I have named, Nancy's Mountains.  There is almost never a time that I don't suck for every drop of oxygen from 5300 feet above sea level standing still, let alone another 1200 feet climb.  The workout is most definitely worth the view.  It sings clear through to my soul.

There is a feel, a smell to the air at that altitude, a wind that is hard to describe.  It's different than ground wind.  And, once you feel it, smell it, you want more.  I want more.  I am not ready to let loose of it.  Not today.  Probably not ever.

I've come to know things a bit more clearly in my middle years.  There are specific likes, loves, passions, hates, stuff I have come to care the hell less about, and things that I am not willing to do without in this stretch of my life. 

The thought of leaving such immediate beauty, the availability of being in nature constantly and the bigness of the earth and sky where I live makes my heart a bit sad.  My aunt says that it just gets in your heart.  She is so right.  Though I leave, it will not leave me.  It will continue to call my name.

I ran my miles around the open field next to us - the one that looks over Granite Mountain.  The one where I can see Mingus Mountain and my self named monikered  Nipple Mountain as well.   It's where I see antelope, cows grazing, and the occasional coyote running.  There is absolutely nothing like it for an avid outdoorswoman such as I.  Nothing.

Life is full of curves, circles, and changes.  This is yet another one.  Since I know how God wired me, and He knows how he wired me, I have to trust that to leave this place of the big outdoors will not be more than I can stand.  That what lies in front will bring to me something to soothe my loss or better yet, something that makes my big sky and mountains pale in comparison.

This beauty and great outdoors has been both the fulfillment of my love language and medicine for my soul.  Though I leave you, you do not leave my heart.  Deep down it's just where I feel most like me.



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