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6.02.2014

THE SEDUCTION OF SPANDEX


My office sits next to a fitness center.  I would say a gym, but really it's not.  We use the word gym in our culture as a colloquialism for what most categorize technically as a fitness center.  Gym is short for gymnasium.  Gymnasiums are associated with schools and basketball, volleyball, dodge ball, wrestling and gymnastics meets or the hated square dancing required in freshmen physical education class.  A "fitness center" holds none of those events.

My view has been altered greatly since my move back to the Midwest from Arizona.  There I viewed a mountain outside my window.  The scenery was breathtakingly beautiful - day in and day out.  Here in the Midwest, next to the fitness center, my office window view is of the bowling alley across the street.  My view though is frequently and regularly interrupted with spandex.

I have a philosophy, a stance, an entrenched to the soul ideology on spandex; just because spandex stretches doesn't mean you should wear it.  We are all designed different, like hand crafted Amish furniture [a reference that my friend Big D, former Amish, then Mennonite, then free can relate to].  I mean that in the best sense of the phraseology both in regards to Amish furniture and Big D.  God made us all. And because we are created by the Creator of the universe, we are all awesome and unique and well made!  But, that does NOT mean we are designed for the likes of spandex.

Spandex is a catch twenty-two of sorts.  It shows everything.  And, I mean everything - every little sag, bulge, lack and abundance. On men you don't want to look, but are compelled to - like an eclipse that might possibly burn your eyes out! It magnifies both extremes and everything in between.  If there ever were a fabric whose only purpose was to NOT make anyone look good and yet everyone feel the compelling need to wear to the gym (or anywhere else for that matter), then Spandex nailed its demographic!

Spandex's conundrum though is no matter how bad you look in it, its power to encapsulate whatever is stuffed inside of its material is magical.  It is very definitely though quite a few strengths less than a girdle - which would not be acceptable to wear on the outside of our clothes.  Yet spandex as an outer garment is acceptable to be worn just about anywhere you can think of.  And it appears, according to the holes now burned into my retinas from viewing it instead of my tranquil mountain, THE ONLY choice of gym wear acceptable for "working out".

I really don't know whether to shake my head at those I see daily traipsing in and out of that fitness center, thank them for entertaining me all day long or congratulate them on saying who the hell cares what I look like. 



I say save the spandex for super heroes.

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