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4.24.2020

A Step Back From Chaos

Inside me resides a handful of chronic health conditions, some of which date back to childhood. There is a bigness, scariness and ever present-ness to unwelcome things that take up residence in your life and don't leave. There’s a balance, a tight rope walk of a life like that. The responsibility I hold in managing those conditions daily can feel daunting. Realizing I’m not in control of anything, while fostering I’m more than these conditions, can be tricky at times. I have found myself there over the years as I’ve not always been on the winning side of the mental and emotional part of chronic health issues. 

The current COVID 19 pandemic has reached a point where we are consumed by it. Indeed we all have a responsibility to be wise, informed, empathetic of others pain, mindful of its spread, and offensive in our fight against it. There is though, a saturation tipping point we have reached with thoughts, life, conversations and news. Disruptions, grief and fear flood our worlds holding us hostage, mentally and emotionally paralyzed and swirling with negativity inside and out. 

It is definitely negative. None of us would ever think a pandemic virus is a positive. Knowing that, negative energy can sustain and grow a life of tentacles all on its own. You are more than this horrific virus, we are more than it, your life and family are more than it. There is a grave somberness in the death, pain and havoc it has brought to people, communities, states, countries, and ultimately the entire world. Life indeed has been draped in a cloak of heaviness, defeat, sorrow, despair, blame and fear for the future.  There is though something that though unseen, lies parallel.

Opposites have co-existed in our world since creation; light and darkness, good and evil, birth and death, sorrow and joy, pain and pleasure. It is possible to have two distinct lines in our lives; chaos and peace, despair and hope, fear and hope, loss and growth, scarcity and abundance. We are called and designed to keep living, seeking the opposite of those negatives. They need no fertilizer as they as spread and grow exponentially unless we choose to halt them and contrast them against their opposite.  

Living cannot be done perpetually in a state of panic, fear, and never ending grief. In never abating chronic illness one has to eventually forge a new way, to dig deeper to a purposeful reinvention of yourself on a solid new base of faith, hope and joy. Beautiful gems lie on that cathartic path to who we are really ordained to be.  

We don’t control much in life, though we choose to live through a false belief that we do. We can though be the kingpin, the czar of our own thoughts, beliefs and emotions. That's all we hold sway over. When we look to someone, something beyond what we can control, we take back and hold captive beliefs and thoughts that do not serve to create a flourish in our souls and spirits.  

God, in His great love for us in our creation, knew our heart tendency to micro focus on the big, the scary, the uncontrollable.  He made a decree that He is I Am.  It is not COVID 19, chronic illness, the loss of a job, failed relationships.  God is bigger than all things seen and unseen, all things in our control or out of it. He is the positive to our negative charge. 

All of creation is a crazy swirl of chaos and order.  Our human life mirrors that at times. There is something special to be found in living just one day at a time without leaving its boundaries to make up the fearful future or to be in sorrow for the past.  For those that find themselves here with me, think of what you know to be good, true and excellent.  Ponder them daily and how much Jesus loves every piece of who you are.  And, if you don't know those things, the God who made you exactly you wants to be in your world, heart and mind.


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