Pages

2.18.2021

So You Think I Look Like Toni Collete, part 1

Remember the TV show, "Kids Say The Darndest Things", hosted by now fallen from disgrace Bill Cosby in the late 1990's? Which, by the way, was a re-worked modern version from a short from Art Linkletter's radio and television shows from the mid 1940's through the late 1960's. The premise was a question about life posed to a kid and the child's spontaneous response - blatant honest hilarity with no filters! Comedic ironic tragedy spewed from their limited knowledge, myopic scope of experience, and unabashed without-thought-for-etiquette speech.

Some kids grow into an adult version of that, just bigger bodies but with the same filterless-ness. Much of the time I really love those people. A predestined other group of kids transmorph to adulthood being the type of soul that unwittingly and continuously grants those boundary-less-filter-free folk a full backstage pass to approach. Welcome mat out or not, there is an aura that must say "will leave the light on" interpreted by the filter free folks as, "PLEASE DOCK AND UNLOAD".  

I am in the latter group. The first group seems to be sonically tethered to me like a torpedo to its target! I cannot seem to swim free of them most of the time, even though I try to hide my Rudolph nose!


None of us have control over the creation of the core tenants to our personality. At best we only hold the capacity for slight modifications and improvements and occasionally, degradations of its bestness. As well, we are not fully aware of the ethereal way it exudes itself in the cosmos around us. Call it your silent vibe.

Once, after singing for a funeral, someone in the mourning crowd rushed up to me afterward to speak not of grief, nope. They, a perfect stranger to me with only a shared connection to the deceased, just had to tell me they were so distracted when I sang by how much I looked like Shelley Long, the actress from "Cheers". I saw no resemblance when I looked in the mirror. I also wondered how much grief they had if thoughts of Shelley Long flooded their mind DURING a funeral.

Someone else once emphatically told me I looked so much like Kim Novak it was startling. Realizing we do not see ourselves through the same lens as others do, I wondered inwardly if they were blind to my chestly deficits that KEPT me from EVER looking like Kim Novak. I did though desperately hope they meant the young wildly attractive Kim Novak, not the post plastic surgery gone wrong Kim Novak. 

Yet another time, while checking out groceries in Rockford, Illinois with my husband, I felt the bore-a-hole, don't-look-away, continuous watching eyes of a man. It was beyond the blatant way that some men look at a woman thinking they are being discreet. Most men need to take a class on glancing at women without them knowing you are looking! My husband even noticed it. As the man exited his check-out lane he made a straight line to me . . . "Ma'am! You could be the double for Susan Anton!" Now, I am far from a Miss California beauty contest winner [I was never Maple Syrup Queen, Homecoming Queen or even 4-H Queen Court growing up!], or a C-rated actress (think Love Boat episode kind of stuff) who dated Dudley Moore. She is or at least was, gorgeous and 5' 11"! I stand soaking wet 5' 5".  Proportionally, I just don't got the gams! 

Somewhere else at some other strange and inappropriate time, after being watched uncomfortably for a too long extended period of time, a strange man walked up to me in a store. This time I was Toni Collete. My response to him was, "People always say I look like someone." Now, to be honest I had no clue who she was or why he thought I looked like her. When I did look her up I realized she had been in a several movies I loved [The Way, Way Back - Little Miss Sunshine - Knives Out].  She has a bit of an endlessly morphing look - either contemplative simple natural beauty or nearly none at all.  I wondered which version of her he thought I looked like.

My son-in-law used to say I looked like Toni Collete as well. I hope he thinks I resemble the contemplative simple natural beauty Toni Collete and not the other version. I think that mostly because he married my daughter who resembles me and he thinks my daughter is just beautiful. Age though gets us all:(

People say the darndest things to me. Especially those filter-less folk.

No comments:

Post a Comment